the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
