Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
