Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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