so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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