Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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