How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
