One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
