This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
