alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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