Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
