The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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