You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Help. Why am I so naked?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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