then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
