Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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