I wanna bring you to show and tell
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
