shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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