Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
