I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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