apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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