my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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