this just has baby written all over it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
