The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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