I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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