I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
