Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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