and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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