last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize