I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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