Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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