At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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