we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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