Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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