i barfeds in our rink
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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