I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
