in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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