Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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