If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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