well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
