id be glad to
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
