why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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