fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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