At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
