brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
