you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
