Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
