ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
