I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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