I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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