I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
