I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
