my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
