The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
