I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
