just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
FUCK WHALES
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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