Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
