I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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