i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize