everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
