I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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