And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
