Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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